Everyday I wake up and am basically the same. Different clothes sure, maybe a little bit groggier, or stressed, or maybe I’m thinking of breakfast instead of that paper due next week; but I am, in essence, the same person.
And who would I be if I weren’t?
If I could wake up and be anyone, anything, completely different I would be the me in my head. I would be the me that’s bold and inspiring and says what she’s thinks and doesn’t give a shit. I would be the me that has interesting conversations and knows exactly what to say. Who doesn’t get worry over everything because she’s got everything under control. Who never worries about losing control.
She does what she loves everyday and it great at it and for it. Her work sells and she’s been published a few times. She even has an interview coming up and a gallery showing. She lives with friends and when she’s not in the studio or at her desk she’s with them hanging out or making some fantastic invention for her friend’s start-up. (She’ll have some stock in it of course.) Or, she’s walking her two dogs and a cat (who thinks it a dog making things much easier) to her fiance’s house where she’ll have tea and watch a movie. She’s not rich but she doesn’t worry about money.
She’s focused and self-disciplined. She goes after what she wants even if its scary and if she fails she looks at her mistakes, picks up the pieces and tries again. She does things even though she knows she’s bad at it. (She sucks at dancing but you’ll always she her on the floor.) She’ll not quite an extrovert but knows how to have fun. And when she does doubt herself its for good reason. She knows her skills and how to use them to her best advantage and knows her weaknesses too. She’s always learning. She’s always reading or thinking or theorizing or listening and when she has something interesting to say she says it.
And she never looks back. Ever.
She has her regrets but she’s moved past them a long time ago. And she deals with new issues as they come. Her life isn’t perfect. She wouldn’t want it to be (that would be boring). But its a good life.
I’m not her. But everyday, I’m gonna take my steps to get there to be her and one day I’ll wake up and I’m there.